August 5, 2015 by Dayo Benson
Pornography gives men an unrealistic view of women and objectifies us. Most women are not desperate for their man 24/7, don’t wait eagerly to rip of his clothes every evening when he gets home, and aren’t cool with swinging from the chandeliers every night (ha ha). Porn is simply fantasy. I guess that’s why it’s so addictive. And I’m in no way assuming that only men watch it. Seriously, both genders struggle.
On the flip side, romance books and movies often objectify men. Have you noticed that? The men that star in them are usually hot and hunky (it’s like a pre-requisite) and they are just there to adore the heroine, or love and support her while she takes out all her childhood issues on him and punishes him for every mistake that every other man before him made. Sometimes I think romance books are as unrealistic about men as porn is about women. I might have to write a book with a totally ‘unattractive’ (by Hollywood standards) love interest who doesn’t work out and might even be overweight. But I’ll might him sound really cool and romantic 🙂
As a writer, I constantly think about things like this. I tell myself, Dayo, you need to be proud of what you’ve written when you stand before God. You need to be able to present all your books to Him and tell Him you wrote them because you love Him and because you want other people to love Him more too. And God is the author of romance, right?
So…I strive for balance with the romance in my books, but I wonder if the romance I portray and the romance we all experience in real life is anywhere near as cool and pure and exhilarating as what God intended romance to be. So the dilemma is, should the romance I write be perfect and amazing and totally unrealistic since God probably intended romance to be better than what we experience anyway? Or should I write the reality of what most romance is like, easy and fun in the beginning, but in need of more effort to keep it going?
Just thinking out loud.