Christian Living ,

A Rant About The Virtuous Woman

‘Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies’ (Proverbs 31:10).

Well I used to really dislike the fact that at every women’s conference I went to we were told about the virtuous woman, and told that we have to be like her. Why? Why should I be like some woman who probably didn’t exist, except as a figment of some man’s imagination? Really, I thought the whole thing was written by king Lemuel and it was just his fantasy woman and now he’s got Christian women everywhere stressing themselves out to be like her. Point of correction to self, it was king Lemuel’s mum first of all that told him this, and bible scholars believe it was a well known poem that all Jews knew back then.

Anyway, after the description of everything that this virtuous woman is doing, you know rising at midnight, single-handedly caring for children and servants, preparing meals, and holding down a personal business, what is her man doing? Is he like some corporate tycoon or some shepherd with 50,000 cattle (that meant you were super rich back then)? Well, I come to the end of the passage and all he’s doing is sitting at the gate of the city. Doesn’t exactly sound stressful. The least he could do was come home and give his hardworking (although ‘slave driven’ is more appropriate) wife a massage from time to time. You know, she’s doing all this hard work. No mention of anything like that.

Then there’s the fact that since she’s doing so much, you’d think the passage might mention something about how she’s tired all the time and takes three-day spa breaks every now and then. But no, she is doing all this and still has time to look good and wear nice purple silk gowns. Really now?

And what capped it off for me was the fact that there is no mention of sex. You mean her husband is praising her just because she’s working her fingers to the bone? Nothing else? What happens when he comes home from an afternoon of hobnobbing with city elders in the sun? Does she show him all her receipts from the land she’s been buying and show him her spreadsheets for her business, and then get back to her spindle?

Okay, ranting over. Good Christian woman hat on: Virtuous women are scarce. Pretty women are a dime a dozen, but virtuous ones are not. Guys, you can’t find a virtuous woman by yourself. Only God knows who is truly virtuous so only God can lead you to a virtuous woman.

Virtuous means righteous, honourable, moral, good, etc. And it’s not just hard to find these traits among women, it’s hard find them among the human race in general. Virtue also means power. The stereotype about women is that they are weak and fragile. God can lead you to a strong one. A woman with strength of character. A woman who’s not going to go crying to her family, her friends, and the church leadership, every time you do something wrong. A woman who has the backbone to stand through marriage and weather every storm with you and stick with you in spite of the fact that you don’t deserve it sometimes. A woman who won’t give in to the universal weakness of women to gossip. You might think this isn’t a big deal, but a gossiping woman gossips about her husband too. Even if it’s just to boast. But you don’t need that drama.

Rubies are nice. None of us would turn down rubies. But men turn down virtuous women (who, the Bible says, are worth way more than rubies) all the time. Maybe she’s not pretty enough, maybe her friend is better looking than her, maybe her hair isn’t the colour that floats your boat. Maybe the other women wear rubies i.e. Gucci and Sergio Rossi, it doesn’t matter. She’s better than them, even if she’s not wearing those things.

If you have a woman like this don’t take her for granted. You would cherish a ruby, you wouldn’t just toss it aside. Let her know how much she’s worth, tell her how lucky you are to have her, and appreciate her.

So am I a virtuous woman? Anyway…Love motivates the kind of things that the virtuous woman does. If she doesn’t love her husband there’s no way she can serve him like this. If she doesn’t care about her household, she will not do all that she does. She is selfless. There is only one thing mentioned that she does for herself and that is make herself clothes, which I suspect is half for herself (she can’t go out naked) and half for her fella (she needs to look good and he needs to notice it). Never mind my rant, I so want to be like her!

Beauty for Ashes Series , ,

Refiner’s Fire


Wow! I am so glad I’ve finished writing this series. You have no idea. I’m so happy that Lexi is done and dusted and I can start thinking up new characters.

So, what is the point of Refiner’s Fire? Well I’ve tried to portray how past mistakes can have consequences later in life, so that any young people (or older people) that read it will think twice about the decisions that they make. Lexi has to face up to her past, and it ain’t funny. I’ve also woven in (lol) an element of self-sacrifice. Sometimes, there are things in our lives that God wants us to give up. Lexi is holding on to something and God wants her to let go, but she’s struggling with it. Those are the two main points of this book, but of course most people that email me about this series want to know who Lexi ends up with i.e. which of the guys she eventually gets with. Well you finally get to find out in this book. By the way, I just feel I should warn you, this book had to be censored by my husband. It’s my first ‘romance-ish’ book, but I don’t think it’s too mushy. The epilogue is pretty cheesy and I have considered completely changing it, but I think I just need to stop obsessing. Anyway, let me remind you of the contenders for Lexi’s heart (in order of when Lexi met them):

Jace Washington

Heir to the Glacier Hotels and business man in his own right, Jace Washington is suave but still has an edge to him. Lexi has been crazy about him since high school, but he dumped her when he became a Christian. Could he be the one???

Carl Layton

Does Carl do a Lazarus and rise from the dead a changed man, and ready to treat Lexi right if she will marry him a second time? Lol!!!

Dan Black

Heir to the Billion Dollar business that is the Diamond Parlor, Dan Black is wealth and good looks personified. Lexi met him at college in Raw Deal and neither of them were saved at the time. In Red Carpet Lexi found out some shocking things about him. But is he the one???

Kyle Martins

Hip Hop singer Kyle Martins has a Christian background and he is pretty hot stuff. Does Lexi’s appreciation for the way Kyle teamed up with Jace to save her from the S.O.T. make Lexi fall head over heels in love with him? Do they hook up and live happily ever after shooting music videos together and traveling the world?

Frazer Lincoln

You guys have no idea who Frazer is. He’s a new guy that is introduced to Lexi in Refiner’s Fire and he is really sweet. The full package. He’s just not saved. But does he get saved and ask for Lexi’s hand in marriage?

Hmm, what a dilemma. At the end of Red Carpet Jace was engaged to Debbie Morris, and Lexi and Dan were kinda in Limbo. Will Lexi steal Jace away from Debbie or will Jace and Debbie approach her about having a polygamous marriage? Will Dan decide to propose to Lexi in public and cause her untold humiliation or will he tell Lexi that the resurrected Carl is her rightful husband? Will Kyle and Lexi elope in Vegas or will Kyle do something totally unforgivable that will make Lexi hate him forever? I guess you’ll just have to read it to find out…

Beauty for Ashes Series , , ,

The Making of Beauty for Ashes

Before I give you all the juicy behind the scenes info that I’m sure you’re dying to read, let me just say that the characters from Beauty for Ashes have been living in my head for SIX YEARS and I am so glad I am finally done with them and can start thinking about new books and new characters! Yay!
Writing Timeline

I don’t know why Raw Deal took me so long to write and rewrite. I worked on it for five years, adding things, cutting things, and trying to make sure that it laid a good foundation for the series. Even now I’m not really satisfied with it as it’s still too long, but I guess I just need to stop obsessing.

Red Carpet took me about a month to write, maybe a bit more. I wrote the first hundred pages about four years ago and didn’t finish it because I was so hung up on Raw Deal. Anyway, when I got back to it a few months ago I just picked up from where I left off and decided that it was going to be written and I wasn’t going to obsess about it.

Refiner’s Fire was probably the least stressful. It was written in three weeks. I should say four but for one of those four weeks I had really bad writers block and couldn’t write, and started panicking thinking I wouldn’t be able to finish it. I know that sounds really dramatic, but the writers’ block was pretty serious. Someone needs to develop a medication for writers block, I swear! I knew everything that was going to happen in the book, but I just couldn’t get the words down. I’m not really sure why. Anyway, I drove my husband crazy about it and he was just like ‘well take a break from it’ but I didn’t want to. I wanted to get it written. Well, I took a break from it and a week later my creative juices were flowing again. Praises be!!!

Character Names

I am not good at finding names for characters. I tend to find out as I’m writing that I’ve given three characters the same name, or that some characters have the same surname and they’re not related. Anyway, Lexi Dixon was originally white, blond-haired, and blue eyed, and her name was Jessica Anderson, but I realised that she wasn’t edgy enough and I didn’t really care about her when she was Jessica Anderson. I have to care about my main character or I just get sick of writing about them and start trying to tear my hair out. You have my friend Elizabeth to thank for the fact that boring blond Jessica Anderson became exotic Cuban Lexi Dixon. She read half of one of the very first drafts of Raw Deal and went “Why is she so…” and I was like “so…what?” and she was like, “So…” So I thought I’d better do something about her.

Jessica Anderson was also British, and I realized that things would just get too complicated, because she and Monica wouldn’t have any history and she’d have to journal about her old friends in England and call them from time to time to make it realistic. And I didn’t feel like writing about old friends in England. So I made her American, but said she’d lived in England.

Another name that changed was Jace’s. He was originally Joshua. But I thought I’d call my next leading man Joshua (that’s a different book), so I just plucked a name out of the air.

Then there’s Jay (James) Black who I had to change to Dan Black because Jay was too similar to Jace and I didn’t want readers getting confused.

When I was writing Red Carpet I realized that there were three Williams: the youth leader in Bridge Community church, Lexi’s dad, and the male model that Lexi shoots a Diamond Parlor commercial with. So the youth leader became Mike, and the male model became Phil. Then I realised there were two Mikes, so Lexi’s mom’s new man became Sean. Then I realised there were two Seans. So Sean Cassidy became Dale Cassidy. And just when I thought the name drama was over. I realised that Xena Hurst and Gage Hurst might look like they’re married, so Xena Hurst became Xena Westwood. And that was that!

Oh yeah, the Glacier Hotel was originally the Diamond Glacier Hotel. I have no clue what I was thinking. Then I realized that it didn’t need to be called the Diamond Glacier,  it could just be called the Glacier. And just for the record, I have no clue what the S.O.T. stands for. They are a secret society and since I am not a member, I don’t know. Sorry, but I wanted them to be a mystery to me as well so if you were expecting a lofty philosophical explanation email me and I’ll make one up for you J

I was going to make Lexi’s Dad Will Dixon an S.O.T. grandmaster. Lexi was going to find out in Refiner’s Fire that he’d faked his death so that he could get more occult powers and rule world and become the antichrist. Lexi and her mom were going to be so heartbroken and their lives would’ve been endangered. Hmm, maybe another book.

I will add to this article as and when I remember any other juicy tidbits about the writing process for this series.

Beauty for Ashes Series

Red Carpet

Red Carpet is the second instalment of my Beauty for Ashes Series. I finished writing it last month, and it’s the first time I’ve written a book and didn’t put it through at least months and months of redrafting. I was actually happy with it when I was done, which is a first for me, lol!

I wrote this book because I wanted to portray the vulnerable state that most people are in. As Christians we tend to forget that people are people. Sometimes, I think that if we could approach evangelism from a caring, relational stance we’d be less scared of it. Evangelism is basically about loving people. Lexi Dixon is someone that appears ‘together’ and that looks like she ‘has it all’ so it would be easy for her Christian friends to just leave her and think she’s fine. Lexi isn’t fine, and she seriously needs God, but she’s not going to be receptive to Him if no one takes the time to maintain a relationship with her and draw her to Jesus bit by bit. Obviously not everyone needs this approach. I guess there are some people who need fire and brimstone (lol), some people are on their death bed and there’s no time to draw them to Christ bit by bit. So yeah, what I’m saying isn’t a one-size-fits-all, fool-proof mechanism, but it’s what some people, the Lexi Dixons of this world, need. Because most people are vulnerable and have deep-rooted pain that they smile through in order to look like they’re okay.

I love Monica’s role in this story because she plays the friend who although she is now a Christian and doesn’t want to be ‘best friends’ with Lexi (because of the whole ‘can two walk together except they be agreed’ thing) remains accessible to Lexi, and helps her out a lot. Monica has also decided that she isn’t going to ram the gospel down Lexi’s throat anymore, she’s just going to be there for her. I love Jace in this story too because he’s a little obnoxious sometimes.

New characters that I’ve introduced (who aren’t in Raw Deal) include hip hop singer Kyle Martins, supermodel Simone Rivers, and Lexi’s grandmother. There are others, but those three are the main ones.

Red Carpet is now available for download on Amazon. I had great feedback for Raw Deal, so I hope the feedback for this is even better. Personally, I am loving the cover, which my gorgeous husband designed. Anyway the synopsis is:

Lexi Dixon has gone from wallowing over the raw deal that she believed was her lot in life to living her red carpet dreams. She’s opening fashion shows for top designers at fashion week, doing photo shoots at exotic locations, and enduring three hours of makeup for ten-minute public appearances. She’s the talk of Tinsel town—for both good and bad reasons. But her life is not all glitz and glamor. 

Between all the lies in the papers, the crazy Paparazzi that keep following her, and her own personal issues, Lexi is sure she’s going to lose it, and it’s not going to be pretty when she does!

A shocking revelation about her father, a rival model who seems bent on sabotaging Lexi’s career, and a bizarre experience with a secret society cause Lexi to slow down to a pace where maybe she can look inward, and perhaps even upward!

Click here to read Red Carpet.

Christian Living Uncategorized , , ,

Random Update

Today has been a very random day. Don’t ask. I’ve sent random texts, random emails, and asked my husband multiple random questions. Now, I’m about to post a random blog 🙂

I’m thinking, why do we let other people put us into boxes, inhibit us, restrict us from being who we are. Why do we let them put a leash on our freedom? Why do we even care about their opinion. I want to challenge you right now to break free. Don’t let anyone make you cover up your true feelings, don’t let a weird look from someone stop you from enjoying your God given life and opportunities. Make the most of your life, praise God with your hands in the air if you want (no matter who is looking), pray over  your lunch at work if you want (who cares if they think you’re weird), hook up your gospel music filled IPOD, ITouch, IPhone, or MP3 Player to your car stereo even when you’re giving that nonChristian a ride. Don’t let someone else’s view stop you from expressing yourself. (Within reason of course, lol).

The essence of what I’m saying is don’t be ashamed to be you. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Don’t worry about what people will think. Life is too short.

And a quick summary of the random thoughts I’m having right now:

– I love the smell of McDonald’s fries…

– Wow, Jesus love me!!

– So glad Rhema is taking solid food without a fight now 😀

– James Bond drives an Aston Martin doesn’t he?

Beauty for Ashes Series , , , , ,

Introducing Lexi Dixon

Raw Deal, book 1 of my beauty for ashes series, is finally available. Yay!!! The main character, Lexi Dixon, is an aspiring model. She is the kind of girl that you’d think ‘has it all’ but she is still searching for something…

Beauty for Ashes as a series deals with many themes: Life’s Purpose, God’s Sovereignty, Abortion, Marriage, Domestic Violence, Divorce, etc.  It took me 4 months to write, but went through 5 years of revision and redrafting. (Ok, I’m a perfectionist – I hold my hands up) Well, I am finally happy with the story line and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it; and hopefully you’ll ‘take something away’ after reading it too.

If you want to read Lexi’s story but don’t have a Kindle download the kindle app for free on your android phone, iphone, or other kind of smartphone. For the PC Kindle app click here. For the mac kindle app click here.

God Bless xx

Prodigal , , , , , , , , ,

She’s a Dana

I know a girl who was the problem child. She wouldn’t do what she was supposed to, and she liked doing what she wasn’t supposed to do. She’s a Dana.

I know a girl who didn’t think the fact that her parents were saved meant she had to be. After all, if they were doctors it didn’t mean she was meant to be a doctor. She’s a Dana too.

I know a girl who wanted to fit in. Even if it meant turning her back on what she knew to be the truth. She’s a Dana.

People often ask me, “are you Dana?” I’m not Dana, but I ‘get’ Dana. Because I’ve been a Dana too.

There are lots of young people who rebel, and lots of them who don’t want what the church has to offer. They’re sick of religion. But guess what? They’re not really sick of God. Most Prodigals still believe in God but think it’s too much hard work, some think it’s impossible. And the truth is that most of us have been there. Most of us have struggled with something about Christianity. Most of us have wondered whether God can really forgive us, or whether we have what it takes to live right consistently. On a certain level, we can all relate to Prodigal young people. To Danas.

Dana represents the young person who loses her way. There are lots of Dana’s. Ok, we might not actually be Dana. But we ‘get’ Dana. Read Dana’s story!


Six months have flown by

Well my little Rhema will be six months old tomorrow. Really can’t believe it. I remember taking her to church for the first time when she was six weeks old and seeing another baby girl who was six months old. She looked huge next to Rhema and I was comparing them and thinking ‘how on earth is Rhema ever going to get that big?’ Well she is that big now 🙂 She starts eating solids tomorrow. It’s been so exciting doing all the research about what she can eat and drawing up her menu. Her first meal is going to be mashed up rice, she can’t wait!!!

I really do think Rhema is the best thing that has happened to me, apart from my husband of course. I can’t imagine her not being around and to think that she’s actually only been here since January. What a miracle. Well I’m still loving and enjoying my maternity leave. Not at all bored. I’ve been writing lots and doing all the fun things that I like to do.

Anyway, we got our family portraits on saturday. Rhema is not really a ‘cry-er’ but when we got to the photo studio to take the pictures she must not have liked the woman or the studio or something, because she wouldn’t stop crying. My husband had to try every trick in his book to get her to stop crying and smile. It was so funny. I was a bit worried that there might not be any nice shots of her but I was pleasantly surprised:

Mum and dad also managed to get a shot together:

And then all together:

Now to order some photo frames…

Uncategorized , , , , , ,

Celebrate Your Womanhood…and everything that comes with it

Ever felt frustrated being a woman? Ever felt like men have it better and easier. Ever felt like you are undermined, not taken seriously, messed about, and Bible-bashed (the whole ‘shut up and submit’ thing, etc) because you are a woman. Well, I have bemoaned being a woman. It’s like life on the female side is just all about:

– pain: period pain, pregnancy pains, labour pains

– and instability: hormonal fluctuations, and emotional imbalance due to the hormonal fluctuations

– and insecurity: am I fat? Have I got bingo wings? And of course the hair drama characteristic of a woman’s (and especially a black woman’s) existence.

And of course there’s the good old menopause that will greet us with hot flushes and hormonal imbalance once we hit the older part of middle age.

I have seriously wished I was a guy. I have been seriously fed up of being judged on:

– how I look (when guys can just rock up in the same tired get up they wear week in and week out and still be treated normal)

– how I behave (women should be like this, or women should be like that)

– what I do (women should/shouldn’t do things like that, that’s is/isn’t a woman’s job/role/position/ministry)

Four things made me realize that my attitude to the whole thing was wrong. One, Job 1:22 talks about how Job did not charge God foolishly, neither should I. Two, if God wanted me to be a man He would have made me one. Three, my husband says he’s very happy I’m a woman. Four, I don’t actually want to be a man. I just want woman to be treated fairly (Note, I did not say equally. There is a huge difference between fair and equal. I would hate to be treated equally to a man, treat me like a woman please).

Woman Thou Art Loosed

Jesus specifically said these words and they are highly symbolic. A woman who had been in bondage for many years stood before Him representing women in general who have been in bondage for hundreds of years. Jesus came to set us free. Notice that this woman was not in this condition because of any man but because of the devil. Likewise, the captor who has bound women for centuries is the devil, not men. The devil wants us to feel inferior and to think we are not allowed to do anything other than stay home with our kids so that when God calls us into His service we will resist the call as a result of the many years we have been brainwashed into thinking that women have no place or ministry outside the home.

Being a woman has lots of advantages. I will proceed to list some of these:

We are needed

In the creation story there was only one thing that God said wasn’t good: man without a woman. It was not good for man to be alone, he needed a woman in his life; and research shows that married men usually have better health than unmarried and divorced men, they live longer too. (This is just in general, there are plenty of exceptions to every rule).

Women are needed not just as wives but as mothers too. A woman’s emotional quotient (EQ) is usually higher than a man’s and this enables her to ‘feel’ a baby’s unspoken needs, perceive a child’s emotional and psychological (and if she is saved, spiritual) state.

Women are needed economically. Women produce more than half of the world’s food, (believe it or not).

These are just a few examples that illustrate how a woman’s touch is essential to the general health and wellbeing of men, children, and society at large.


We form fab friendships. We can be ourselves with our girlfriends, laugh, cry, talk, shop, etc. Our friendships generally go deeper. Our bonding is not limited to ‘what team do you support’ and watching football together.


Well, last Sunday was my first Mother’s Day as a mother and it was awesome. I tried to count my blessings and found that they are innumerable. Motherhood is definitely one of the greatest blessings ever. Before you become a mother you don’t realise how fantastic and rewarding it is. It’s a chance to practice unconditional love. A chance to give without expecting anything in return. If my daughter gives me just one of her adorable toothless smiles it is more than enough payment for all my labour and interrupted sleep. Unthankfulness (if there is such a word) makes you see childbirth and motherhood as pain and hard work. Gratitude makes you call it delivery (not labour) and recognise it for the miracle that it is.

Only a woman can carry a child for nine months, push s/he out (almost as hard as a camel passing through the eye of a needle; and c-sections count too by the way), then shower him/her with love, attention, appreciation, and encouragement for the rest of their life. A man has neither the physical ability nor the hormonal requirements. (Neither does he have the patience or the pain threshold, lol).

Great Clothes

Come on now, women’s clothes are awesome. Shopping for my husband has taught me that once you have seen one men’s suit you have pretty much seen them all. There’s not much variety with the shoes either. But we can wear a whole host of colours, materials, and styles; and there are a whole variety of shoes to choose from with differing heel heights, yay!!

Note: although variety of attire is something a woman can celebrate that a man can’t really celebrate, God ordained it that way for a reason. A man that matches his shoes with his ‘man bag’ has a problem.

Long hair

“But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering” (1 Corinthians 11:15).

It’s great having long hair, although in my experience the longer my hair the more the stress. In fact, I admit to leaving home without an umbrella and praying all day that it wouldn’t rain. Because of my hair. God usually answers though, lol.

Freedom of Emotional Expression

We can cry without anyone thinking we’re weak, spineless, ridiculous, or gay. In fact we usually find it easier to express how we feel than our male counterparts.

We live longer

Research shows that women generally live five to ten years longer than men, and 85% of people over 100 years old are women. (And it’s not because we have an easier life because we don’t).


Women have not one but two X chromosomes. We are the double X factor. X factor squared, in fact!

It’s great being a woman. We need to ignore what society says about womanhood and all the derogatory things we’ve heard and just be glad that we are what we are. If there was no need for us we wouldn’t be here. God placed us here because He wants us to be here.

Yes, it was Eve that led the way with regards to the Fall. Yes, they say we are the weaker vessel, but it was a woman that gave birth to Jesus, it was a woman that He first appeared to after His resurrection, and it was the seed of the WOMAN that bruised the devil’s head.

Women, stop feeling inferior and less than. God doesn’t see you that way at all. Sin is sin, whether committed by a man or woman, and salvation is salvation, whether you’re a man or a woman. He loves you and esteems you. Let Him give you beauty for your ashes, love for your labour, and recompense for your pain.


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